Padamu

Allahku lah Dzat yang paling mencintaiku.

Dia menugaskanmu memberi hal baik padaku lewat kesalahan. Tak mungkin Tuhanku akan membisikkannya langsung padaku, atau bisa jadi aku yang tak menjiwai. Sebab itulah Ia meminjamkanmu sebentar padaku.

Tak akan perlu menjauh membelah dunia luar untuk menutup yang lalu bagimu, hanya perlu mendekat pada Tuhanku. Bukankah hanya Ia yang paling mencintaiku sampai ke tulang dan darahku?

Hei teman baik

Hei teman baik, tahukah kamu bahwa tak selamanya yang kita miliki itu mutlak abadi?
Hei teman baik, tahukah kamu bahwa tak selamanya duka kita akan menjadi duka sejatinya?
Hei teman baik, tahukah kamu bahwa tak selamanya yang kita rasakan akan bertahan selamanya?

Mengangguklah.

Hei teman baik, berbaiklah dengan apa yang ada dengan kita. Karena kita belum tahu dengan baik apa yang ada dalam apa yang ada dengan kita, meskipun berat, meskipun terkadang sulit, sangat sulit untuk diterima.

Hei teman baik, tahukah kamu bahwa masih akan ada yang selalu denganmu saat yang lain tidak mengetahuinya?
Hei teman baik, pasti sulit buatmu untuk bersama ini  sendiri untuk waktu yang lama.
Hei teman baik, berbahagialah.

Berbahagialah teman baik, karena seperti katamu, jika mempunyai hal yang patut direnungi, renungkanlah di satu tempat saja, jangan bawa ke tempat lain karena tempat lain itu adalah kemungkinan besar untuk hal yang patut untuk disenangi.

Kind of Horror

Ecca had a fresh beginning that August. She moved to a bigger room at a new boarding house, closer to our campus than her last one. I helped her move out which took almost one day to be done. She had her wall covered with posters of psychedelic and retro posters and her desk was half covered with gothic character figures from a Japanese comic book, Death Note. She was a fan of black and red, thus she had tried to collect black and red colored furnitures and stuffs.

“You will never get tired of black and red, will you?” I teased.

“Never.”

I laughed a bit. She was always like that: an expert in giving short replies and talking to people without any facial expressions. Sometimes, our friends and I didn’t want to talk to her because of that. She was known as the most cold-hearted woman among my classmates. She heard of it and she could not care less.

“I don’t really mind what other people think. Do you think they are good enough to comment on my life?” That was her cold response once I told her about the negative talks about her, trying to make her change her attitude in public since I thought she was overly rude to everyone. Our campus mates told me that I should stop being nice to her because it was not worth it but I had no intention to leave her, at all. We had known each other since the orientation week in the first semester. We then found that we shared the same interests and hobbies. We had developed a special kind of sisterhood. We kept our secrets.

I care about her. Always have, always will.

I slept over at her place only for that first night. I told her I could not accompany her any longer at her new room because of the strong smell of the newly-painted walls. She did not mind my absence at all, since, as she said, she would live by herself at her new room anyway. She joked around saying she did not need me either. She spent her second night alone, re-watching an episode of Death Note with a jar of caramel brownie ice cream.

The next morning I picked her up, as usual, because we always went to campus together by my scooter. She showed up showing a pale face. I asked her what happened but she did not say anything. From the owner of Ecca’s boarding house I heard that at midnight she horribly screamed and cried. No one at her boarding house could sleep for the rest of that night.

It had been two weeks since the incident happened and made her attitude got worse. She became more ignorant and did not even want to talk to me at all. On the campus, I could only see her crouching as she walked through the crowd and avoiding people, including me.

“Ecca has a really serious attitude problem,” Professor Raja said, “not only the students but the professors are starting to feel bothered. Out of the blue, she could scream and swear. She covered her her ears and shouted ‘stop’. Then her eyes got teary. Then she screamed again. Other professors and I asked her to leave the class although we had no idea to whom or what she begged to stop. I am sorry to say this but we are worried that she lost her sanity.”

I did not say a word at all. Professor Raja stared at me intensely, “I know you are the only person she talks and listens to,” he lowered his voice, “I need you to find out what is the problem and whether it can be solved. I do not want to hear anything crazy that she does that cause the anxiety here.”

“I will try.”

I knocked her door million times. There was only silence. I turned back against the door and the handle clicked.

           “Come in.”

She guided me to the bed, ordering me to stay there just like the two gothic pillows she owned and sat next to me. Flat facial expression was straight on my face.

           “What would you feel if you heard a sound full of hatred yet you don’t know where it comes from?”

           “What do you mean? What is going on?”

“It is the third day since I have been disturbed by this sound that haunts me wherever I go.”

“What sound?”

“It’s a part of Swan Lake from a broken music box that keeps playing on repeat. It sounds thrilling, I can feel it through my veins. It won’t let go of me,” she hold my hands, “what should I do?”

“I will do anything to help you,” I said, holding her hands back, “anything that helps you to find your peace of mind.”

She released my hands, walking to the corner of her room, standing next to the drawer. She placed both of her palms on the wall and suddenly banged her head to it, hard. I gasped and ran to her but I was late to prevent her banging her head again for the second time. This time she collapsed on the ground with the blood running from her head. I was kind of losing my mind back then, I could not think of anything. Thankfully, the owner of the boarding house came and broke in the door. We brought her to emergency room at the hospital nearby.

Ecca abandoned school since then. Aside from bed resting as a part of her recovery, she also felt that the sound has gotten more frightening that made her feel like threatened to death.

“This sound,” she said to me when I came to her, “needs to go away..”

She banged her head to the wall many times. Since her mental condition had gotten worse, nurses had her chained to the bed. Her parents came to visit her but soon left because she cursed and asked them to. They begged me to ‘bring back their one and only Ecca’. Thus I stayed next to her bed, watching her covering ears and cried her lungs out. I got up and hugged her.

“Let’s end this torture together, Ecca. We can do it. We have to do it.”

“Tell me how!” She kept screaming, “You can’t do anything at all! You don’t know what it feels like!”

I hugged her tighter. I whispered, “I don’t, but seeing you like this torture me too. Please stop hurting yourself and everyone who loves you. All of this needs to stop.”

She stopped trying to release my embrace and said, “You said you wanna help, didn’t you?”

“Anything,” I answered. “Even if it kills me.”

“...and if it kills me too?”

I released my hug and exchanged stares with her, “What do you mean?”

She smiled, “I know what you should do if you really want to help.” She shook both of her chained hands, making jingling sounds.

My heart skipped a beat. It was excited for some reason. I couldn’t help but lean closer to her to hear her whisper on my ears.

“Take this pillow under my head.”

I did what she ordered me to do, carefully.

She smiled and whispered more quietly, “Push  it against me. Hard. From one side of my ear to another.”

I was stoned. Is this really happening?--I asked myself that time and I stepped closer and looked at her face for the last time before I covered it with the pillow.

“Do. It. Now!” she screamed. “Don’t make me....”

I pushed the pillow to her face with the strongest power I could give before she finished what she was trying to say. I heard her screaming ‘Harder!’ and I did as she commanded.

Minutes passed. The clock was ticking. Ticking.

I did not hear anything from her anymore. I sighed and released the grip from the pillow and sat down next to the bed. I saw her laying there with her mouth and eyes wide open.

I did my best to let her find peace of mind. I told you I care for her, always have and always will.  That was all she wanted. She asked for it. She really did. I smiled a victorious smile. Victorious, since everything went how I wanted. I went slowly to the door and before I opened it, I said a warm goodbye to my beloved friend, “R.I.P”.

I went to her room to take my heroic music box away.  How heroic it is that it can make the smartest student at the department drowned in horror, hallucination and begged for death to stop it. There would not be praise for her anymore. There would not be anyone who can do better than me.

There would only be Muji.

cc: tyasHantia

NIDA ALALA SUSU...

Nida Alala Susu.....

jreeng...
hilanglah semua kegundahan dan kesedihan!

14-07-2012
Hari itu, gw lagi mainan bareng sama keponakan gw, Praba. Anaknya sangat menggemaskan serta menjengkelkan, mmmuah. Gw gedek banget siang itu karena gw repot banget ngurusan adek unyu ini. Waktu Praba gw suruh tidur siang, dia ngeledek2 gw yang udah rada tepar dengan bilang gw cantik, manis, unyu,dkk. Gw kalap *ck, hampir gw layangkan pukulan imut dipantatnya yang tepos, tiba-tiba...

"NIDA ALALA SUSUUUU......"
katanya sambil menyodorkan lima jari tangannya ke arah muka gw.

Gw ngakak.
Sampe seharian gw masih ngakak kalo inget mantra "nida alala susu"nya. Entah apa maknanya, tapi gw tau itu begitu menghibur, hahaha

Itu sekarang jadi mantra gw untuk menghibur diri, hoah!
Yap...
"Nida Alala Susuuu...."

Isn't compliment easy as you think??

Simply, compliment itu pujian. Yep, pujian ,doank.

Compliment appears seiring dengan sensasi baik atau indah yang muncul dalam otak. Apakah pujian itu selalu muncul hanya saat ada sesuatu yang baik?? Iyap, mostly.  Banyak orang memuji hal-hal yang baik (anak nyapu dirumah, ngerjain PR, many more), bagus ( baju bagus, sepatu bagus, mobil bagus, so on), dan indah (cewek cantik, cowok cakep, bayi lucu, dll).

Complimet is simple seperti yang gw bilang di awal, tapi efeknya gak sesimpel itu.  Setelah diobservasi ternyata gw sekarang more complimentary about anything than i used to be. Hal itu karena satu teman waktu SMP-SMA, she is a girl. Saat kami faced something that requires a personal opinion, dia selalu bisa memandang hal tersebut baik, padahal menurut gw itu jelek. Jelek banget malah. Contohnya begini:

Ada cewek dengan kostum yang agak gak match waktu itu, cewek ini adalah teman kami. Gw spontan bilang:

“apaan sih tuh cewek kostumnya?”  *padahal gw juga pake baju gak pake mecing2an segala(gak ngaca).

“tapi bagus loh bajunya, warnanya bagus”, dia bilang hal itu dengan posisi gw yang bener2 gak bisa terima opini dia. Apanya yang bagus siih??

Efeknya apa??

Karena gw gak mencompliment cewek itu, temen gw ini malah yang jadi ngobrol sama tuh cewek dengan gw yang terhempas begitu aja. Karena agaknya saat lo gak memberi pujian itu berarti lo gak suka dan sudah pasti males mau berkomunikasi dengan si doi. Yap, begitu kira2 gw yang narrow minded untuk tidak melihat hal2 baik yang masih ada dalam hal2 yang gw anggap jelek.

Dari situ gw pikir, by paying somebody a compliment, there will be a good effect for me. Orang lain juga pasti happy kalo dipuji. Apa salahnya juga kan memuji orang. It’s free.

Meski terkadang masih susah juga untuk memberi pujian untuk orang lain, sedangkan gw juga ingin diberi pujian *ngarep feedback sebenernya. Yap yap yap, meskipun gw sudah mulai membuka pikiran gw untuk memuji, gw juga masih mendapat komen2 yang gak ngenakin L. Nah dari situ tuh gw jadi mikir compliment itu jodohnya dengan acceptance. Kudu nerima pendapat orang lain, biar tetep happy *apa banget lah gw yang ini.

Then, is a compliment easy to be revealed??

Yes, man!!! It is just like a piece of cake.

How does it work?? Jeng jeng jeng........

You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine. Just own the night like the 4th of July. 'Cause baby, you're a firework. Come on, show 'em what you're worth, Make 'em go. As you shoot across the sky. Ckck

Iyak iyak, gw lagi keranjingan lagu “Fireworks”nya Mbak Katy. Gara2 di Madagascar 3, lagu ini jadi soudtrack pas para hewan lagi perform circus, Spectacular buangged dengan bodynya Gloria yang meraja itu.

PREFACE

The very first thing, Thanks to Mr. Fadhil Arief Primadi or we can call him “Fadhil Soo” J  for keeping his promise.

Tadaaaaaa.....

Akhirnya BLOG gw sudah bisa beroperasi. Fadhil Soo udah berbulan-bulan ngejanjiin BLOG buat gw, karena gw sabar menanti akhirnya lahirlah sebuah karya yang sangat ia banggakan. Yep... itulah blog gw.

Kelaran Fadhil Soo ngasih mandat buat ngisi nih blog, hampir tiap hari dia nyuruh gw buat nulis. Sebenernya gw bingung menentukan apa yang bakal gw tulis disini, gw bingung “genre” apa yang bakal gue usung buat nih Blog. Apakah tulisan2 ilmiah yang bisa jadi referensi buat temen2 pelajar *ck, atau tulisan2 religius yang bisa membangkitkan iman dan taqwa para pembacanya seraya berdecak kagum atas keagungan Tuhan *hhmmp, atau tulisan2 kayak Suhu gw #Fadhil Soo yang agaknya has been affected most by writer of buku2 yang ia konsumsi seperti Ra**dit*ya Dik**a.

Apa yang bakal gw tulis adalah riddle buat gw sendiri. Jadi, apapun itu gak masalah lah deh... Kata Bapak gw whatever, no matter, ha.

Ge nulis Sekapur Sirih ini ditemani oleh lagunya Miley Cyrus yang “When I Look At You”. Beuuh... ngena banget lagunya, tapi gak nyambung dengan suasana sekarang ini. Lagu ini udah jadi top chart dikosan gue selama hampir 5 minggu *waw. Sama halnya saat lo lagi keranjingan lagu korea, drama korea, orang korea, atau apapun, atau cewek atau cowok yang lo suka, bawaannya tiap hari pengen denger atau liat si object. Yah... tapi saat udah sampe titik puncak kebosenan akan hal itu, lo akan biarin hal2 itu ngangkrak ditempatnya atau kalo lo ada waktu lo bakal menyingkirkannya. No matter it’ll be, let’s find another one. Bisa disebut juga pembicaraan gw ini adalah moving on atau leave rigth now. That’s life, always be iridescent.

Postingan yang Sesuatu Untuk Ditulis.. Hehe..

Untuk pertama kalinya gw menggebrak dunia dengan subuah keremehan.

Yap. Sebuah keremehan yang luar biasa karena akhirnya gw bisa mempelopri seseorang untuk bisa MENULIS. 

Back with me (caelah..) Fadhil Arief. 
YA, benar, gw bukanlah sang empunya blog ini. Tapi kali ini gw punya kuasa untuk ngpost apapun disini.  hehe..

Beberapa minggu yang lalu gw potong rambut cepak-mohawk,
dan fotonya gw jadiin avatar di Twitter,
tapi ternyata hal tersebut menimbulkan kehebohan buat beberapa keluarga gw,
karena gaya rambut gw yang terlalu g4uL,
banyak yang bilang rambut gw kayak TNI yang abis diseret dari aspal,
ada yang bilang rambut gw kayak sushi…
Pokoknya banyak komentar yang membuat menghela napas.

Kenapa jadi gw yang ngepost??, Lama2 ini blog jadi punya gw deh. hahahahaa.

Back to business. Jujur, gara-gara beberapa minggu silam, Rizki gw janjiin bikinin blog, gw jadi ketagihan buat nulis blog lg. Yang ada sekarang kalo kita lg di kampus pasti gw selalu bilang “Ki, blognya bentar lagi gw jadiin.. yah? yahh?!” klo gw sih seneng2 aja soalnya gw janjiinnya sambil dipeluk2 Rizki (loh!? enggak denng..).

Beralih Topik ke dunia nulis dan dunia blogging, sebenarnya menulis bukanlah hal yang mudah menurut gw pribadi. TAPI, tidak mudah bukan berarti nggak bisa dilakukan kan?. Banyak orang enggan menulis karena mereka nggak persis tau apa sebenarnya sesuatu yang harus mereka tulis. Begitu juga dengan gw. Kadang ada banyak yang ada di kepala gw, tapi gw gak tau gimana cara menuliskannya, karena… well, saking banyaknya. Saking pusingnya. Something happened and I have been thinking heavily ever since. Gw kadang menemukan diri ini bingung dan ga punya ide apa apa untuk gw ungkapin. Tapi, sekali lagi itu bukanlah suatu hambatan berarti untuk selalu bisa nulis. 

Gw masih ingat tulisan gw yang pertama kala itu. Saat itu gw masih belum punya blog. Karya karya gw gw post di facebook. Hasilnya?, yah beberapa kawan gw mengomentari tulisan gw, ada yang mengkritik, ada yang menyemangati, ada yang, macem macem deh. Faktanya ketika gw baca tulisan pertama gw dulu, yah, gw bisa nilai diri gw dengan sedikit muntah muntah. Hehe.. ah terlepas dari whether it is bad or worst, gw selalu berusaha nulis sampe sekarang. 

Satu hal yang selama ini gw lakukan adalah berusaha untuk menemukan “voice” dari tulisan tulisan gw. Menurut gw ada banyak voice atau warna, atau lebih enak kalo kita sebut sebagai gaya tulisan. Ada orang yang lebih bisa mengekspresikan apa yang mereka rasakan lewat puisi atau syair syair. Ada juga yang lebih cenderung ke curhat, atau lebih ke tulisan kritis berupa keadaan Indonesia, atau fenomena fenomena yang alebih bisa mereka tangkep. Yah banyak warna banyak gaya. Kalo gw??, gw lebih suka tulisan tulisan ringan yang gampang dibaca, yang juga mungkin gampang disepelein.. hehehe. Tidak. Begini kira kira …

Sebenernya gw emang lagi gak ada gairah untk ngeblog. Serasa fed up aja. Mungkin karena seluruh pikiran gw fokusin ke UAS dan urusan urusan kampus lainnya. Yaph.. UAS akhirnya kelar juga, tak begitu senang hati ini rasanya, karena gw belum tau gimana nilai-nilai gw, semoga nilai-nilai gw bagus dan bisa dapet ip 4!
*ngarep*
aminn !

Gw lebih suka nulis dengan aliran ringan seperti apa yang otak gw mau tanpa harus berusaha untuk mengkritisasi, tapi lebih ke self acceptance diri dengan gaya dan warna gw sendiri meskipun gw banyak terinspirasi blogger blogger macam raditya dika dan pandji.

Menulislah. Karena dengan menulis, kamu ada.

PS: buat Rizki Amalia Ayuningtyas, AYO NULIS!!!

PS lagi: foto diatas gw kasih buat oleh oleh.